(no subject)

[suitsahero]

By the time the word reaches Foundation, surely it has been blown out of proportion. The original teller of the tale must be mistaken, the resemblance merely slight, something. The dead do not rise from their graves unprompted and wander dressed in white linen through the snows. They must not be true.

But there's word sent all the same that a young man precisely matching Haurchefant's description had been seen stumbling, half-frozen, down the hill from his memorial towards Dragonhead. Were it not for a timely patrol, he might have died (again?) before reaching it but, as it was, he was recuperating in the infirmary there. Reports say he was disoriented, didn't answer to his name or any other, and had not yet regained consciousness. It couldn't be him. It couldn't.

But Tataru is good at catching the rumors flying and she knows to let you know right away. Artoriel finds out shortly after, whether from overhearing you or more official communication, but stops the word from reaching the Count, and begs you to go ascertain the truth before he does. It's impossible and he'd rather keep the hope from just being dashed.

Surely it isn't true. And yet...

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[suitsahero]

His fingers clench on hers,

"Good," he says softly and it occurs to him that that's... maybe treason? Does it count anymore? He doesn't know, but it doesn't matter, "Good." It's not vengeance that colors his words, but relief, that that means she won, she's safe, they're all safe.

"That's what matters," his voice is soft but firm, "... sort the rest of this later," he already seems unfocused, like he's struggling not to fall back asleep. His thumb runs gently against the side of her hand, "Stay..." it's a plea more than a question and then he's dropping off again. This time, though, it seems like his breath comes easier, there's more color in his cheeks. He looks less like a man struggling in a sick bed and more just like he's sleeping normally.

[likeyouknow]

It certainly isn't treason now. But the developments, all the things Pahja wants to tell him about what their victory meant and means for the country he died for, all of that can wait. She should probably tell someone that he seems to be Haurchefant, returned from the dead. But given how often her journeys into investigating things turns into weeks long ordeals, Pahja decides they have time. Time to let him rest, recover, figure out what happened.

Time for her to get used to having him again. If the man still holding her hand isn't Haurchefant, Pahja thinks she might finally, actually scream. It would hurt too much, it wouldn't be fair. Pettiness and bitterness don't sit right with her, but a small, tiny part insists that she deserves something, doesn't she? That small, selfish part of her might have once won her over -- back when she began all this -- but she knows better now. Has Hauchefant to thank for reminding her of it when everything seemed dark and bleak.

Repaying that kindness, that warmth, is the least she can do. He asks her to stay, so she does. A long moment passes where she debates taking up her place on the stool once more, but impulsiveness wins out over decency. Haurchefant would enjoy that, Pahja thinks, in that teasing, flirtatious way he has. So she scoots his arm over (not fully aware that she hasn't let go of his hand) and lies down next to him, over the sheets, knees brought up to her chest.

Luckily there's plenty of room in Ishgardian beds, given that everyone is a gigantic, tall monstrosity, and when she curls up there's still room to hold his hand. Her other hand flutters around aimlessly before settling on his side so that she can feel the rising and fall of his chest.

Pajha fully intends on staying awake. Really, she does! But the sound of Haurchefant's breathing is enough to lull her into drowsiness. "If you snore," she mutters, to no one in particular, "I will elbow you awake."

It is an empty threat.

[suitsahero]

Haurchefant sleeps deeply and they are not disturbed in the night. Whether that's some mark of how everyone knows he feels about her or whether it's just courtesy when he needs his sleep and there's obviously someone watching over him is anyone's guess.

With the sheet in between them, there's really only so awkward of a position they can get in for waking, but he does manage to, at some point, work his fingers out of Pajha's and curl his arm around her shoulders instead. It tucks her head on his shoulder, under his chin, and that's how she'll wake.

It's hard to tell if he's awake, when she does. His breathing is deep and even, but with the way the sun slants through the windows, it's hard to believe he would still be asleep.

[likeyouknow]

The first thought she has upon waking is that she's warm. It wouldn't be unusual enough to make a note of -- Pahja prefers her bed with lots of furs and blankets if she can get away with it, especially since taking up residence in Ishgardian territory -- but she dimly remembers curling up next to Haurchefant.

Her sleep fuzzed mind doesn't offer clarity -- Haurchefant is dead, after all -- and so she settles on this being some strange but welcome dream. The arm over her shoulders, the way she's tucked under his chin -- an ear flicks, tickled by how she's laying against him.

If it is a dream, Pahja thinks, it's a nice one. Stretching against him, Pahja lets her arm wrap more fully around his chest, pressing her face in further. That the dream can even replicate the smell of him -- not that she would ever admit to trying to commit that to memory at all, not that she ever went out of her way to know -- it really was as if he'd come back---

This time Pahja doesn't push herself back, nor fall off the bed. Instead she stills mid-stretch, loathe to give up the space between them but not wanting to let it happen just yet.

"It's really you?" Asked softly, in case he's still asleep. Half fearing the answer, half desperately needing it to be yes.

[suitsahero]

"Insofar as I can tell, yes," he answers, clearly awake and clearly having been awake for long enough to be giving all of this some thought. Which means he hasn't moved, either, has just been letting her rest here. Holding her.

"I remember with painful clarity everything that led to my death, but not the death itself and nothing after. I remember your smile," it's overwarm, but he can probably be excused just this once, "And then... nothing," it's matter of fact except for that one bit of warmth in the middle. He knows she will want to know, but it's... uncomfortable, thinking of one's own mortality in quite that way. "Except... then there are other strange memories, like a dream. Floating and... blue light... there was a voice, but I don't remember what it said," he shakes his head, "I've been laying here, trying to remember but I cannot. And then, I woke here," his tone shifts, warmer again, "And scared you off of your chair, if that was not also a dream," he teases.

[likeyouknow]

Should she be upset about the fact he didn't wake her up or move her? Maybe, but if he's not going to bring it up then Pahja certainly isn't. There's only a sliver of guilt at the idea of dragging this out as long as she can; Pahja shifts slightly, only just to get a better view of his face. Maybe they should talk about whatever this is.

Maybe they won't. They hadn't before.

Her lips purse at the mention of a voice. "Hear? Feel? Think?" Perhaps Hydaleyn had spoken to her one too many times. The pull of his warm voice makes her roll her eyes, a smile coming back to her face quickly. "I can't imagine you would react better in my place," she says by way of a defense, although the protest is weak and her voice carries plenty of good humor.

[suitsahero]

Part of the problem surely is that he flirts so aggressively, over the top to the point where it's almost hard to take seriously, but then whenever it actually comes to bridging that gap he almost acts like just being in the same room with her is more than enough to sate whatever desire it is that he has for her. It's strangely sweet, almost chivalrous to a fault, except then he'll go right back to making a pass at her so extreme that he cannot be wholly serious about it.

Can he?

The way his hand trails down her spine as she shifts up a bit until she can look at him feels plenty serious, particularly coupled with how affectionate he looks at the moment,

"Perhaps," he says, to the first, "I cannot recall any words at all, only that there were. Perhaps it is something I am meant to remember only later?" And then he laughs, though it turns into a cough, clear that while he's certainly looking better, he hasn't fully recovered from his time in the snows, "No, probably not. Halone willing, I will never have need to find out."

[likeyouknow]

He is ever the truest knight. It would be aggravating if it wasn't part of the reason she's so fond of him in the first place. Even if it makes it nearly impossible to ever figure out if he means it. Or would react positively if she ever took him up on any of his fanciful flirtations. This -- sharing the bed, the closeness and the intimate touch of his hand against her back -- is the closest she's ever gotten, and it... it feels as if he means it.

And if he doesn't, well. The small sound of approval she makes at the way his hand feels against her spine will surely come as a shock to him. Pahja isn't fully aware of making it, either, nor the way she shifts into his hand in an effort to encourage him.

Although any thoughts on the matter are cut short by his coughing, her hand flying across his chest to rest over the part of it where a wound once was. Reassuring herself that it's not there, that he's somehow still here. "Perhaps. If Hydaleyn truly spoke to you I can name several people who'd be very interested in what she had to say." Her eyes are still wide with concern, giving all that she can see of him a once over, just in case.

"Mm," she agrees, letting her hand smooth over his chest once more, resting over his heart when she's satisfied he bears no wounds. "Dying is off the table for both of us, agreed?"

[suitsahero]

He doesn't react to the sound of approval, but he curls his other hand over hers when she clutches at his chest, holds her there, as though he immediately knows what she's worried about,

"There is no need to worry. I'm not in any pain," his smile turns warm, "Though perhaps if you were here to take care of me, it would not bother me so much if I were. Are you so concerned for all of your friends?" he teases like she's not all but in his arms at this point and like he's not aware that's mostly his doing.

"I will let you know if I remember, I promise," he adds, after a moment. "It's all very hazy, barely more than a dream. Agreed, though, I do not particularly wish to go through that again," and then a pause, "I... suppose I should probably let you go, to fetch one of the chirurgeons." He does not sound particularly pleased by the thought.

[likeyouknow]

There! Again he undermines the seriousness of the way he touches her, looks at her, with such obvious and over the top flirtations. What would he do if she took him up on one of his preposterous ideas? Insert that polite, chivalrous distance between them or welcome her open affection -- she cannot tell, and it may drive her mad before Ishgardian politics do.

Pahja melts in spite of herself, eyes brimming with affection. "When they let me. Y'shtola practically kicked me out of her recovery room before insisting she be able to leave it herself." But Haurchefant is unique; none of her friends have quite made her feel as welcome, as warm, as whole as he does.

Which makes the fact that he's right all the worse. There are people who should know, and chirurgeons better equipped to his recovery from the snowy ordeal he'd gone through. Her ears fall, betraying her emotions about leaving his side even as she nods. "And send word to your brother. Artoriel is beside himself from keeping the news from the rest of your family."

It is a message that rightfully requires her to deliver, and not send by way of chocobo courier. Would that it were so easy to pull away from him -- she's certainly not taking the initiative to do so.

[suitsahero]

He winces slightly at the mention of his family, the first time she has ever seen him do so,

"Ah, yes... I suppose I've worried them terribly," only Haurchefant could be worried about the inconvenience and heartbreak of him dying and make it sound somehow like a personal failing. A thought seems to occur to him, then, "How long has it been? For me, it was only moments but..." He can tell Pahja doesn't really look older, but that still means the time could easily be measured in years, even if only a few small number of them. "Is there already a new Commander here? Has my father..." he doesn't even know what he wants to ask there. Died? Moved on? He's not as worried about his brothers-- as much as they do still consider each other family, there's always been a bit of a distance there he cannot deny. But his father is a different matter and he worries for him and for how the news of his death and this subsequent rebirth might affect him most of all.

It seems too good to be true, that he could simply slot back into his life, here. But he cannot help but hope he might yet do exactly that, once he has recovered.

Or, perhaps... perhaps it is better if he has been replaced, the world passing over him. He had always bemoaned the lack of being able to stay by his Warrior's side. If he is freed from his responsibilities by death... The thought makes him perhaps a bit reckless as he stares up at her.

"Perhaps... you might allow me to have this a bit longer," he says, suddenly, "before we all must necessarily tire ourselves out with the logistics of the unprecedented?"

[likeyouknow]

Worry furrows her brow, and the hand that isn't held by his comes up to hover over his cheek as she debates if that's far too forward. Then again, she is in his arms, as close to him as she has ever been, and so Pahja decides to not care overmuch. Her hand cups his cheek for a brief moment before falling once more.

"Not so long to cause so much worry," she assures him, thinking that is what he is after rather than being freed to follow by her side. "Your command remains open, and your father is--" Ah. Pahja swallows. "Your death hit us all hard, him more than most. We kept news of your potential return from him just in case it turned out to be nothing more than rumor." There had been enough loss that Pahja could have weathered it, if she had to, no matter how much of a dagger in the heart it might have been. But the Count? Unlikely. "He will want to see you," she continues, voice low and soft, barely above a whisper.

Yet his next offer, the next flirtation, is both expected and yet... rather unlike any that has come before. Almost as if the idea has both come to him all at once, and one he must say before he can think better of it.

Pahja smile down at him, full of amusement, adoration, and affection that she can't hide. "It has been some time since I've gotten so much sleep-- and you make a rather nice pillow." Which is to say she'll stay for as long as she can.

[suitsahero]

He's fairly certain he could not have prevented his eyes from slipping closed as she puts her hand on his cheek if the whole world conspired to stop them. It only lasts a moment, they open as soon as she speaks, but between the hand on his heart and the one on his face, there's an impression lingering there that she's the one holding him, his life spun out between her hands.

"I will have to thank Artoriel for that and you as well," he says, voice thick with emotion, "If it were not true, I would not want him to have hope. I... scarcely want him to have the hope now, for fear something else might happen or some other horrible truth come to light about my state. But I hardly think it right to keep it from him. One prepares," he says, softer still, "after a thousand years of bitter war, one is always prepared, but there is a difference in preparation and reality. I cannot say I would not wish the same, were the positions reversed-- better to not have hope at all than have it dashed, at least in these matters."

He laughs in the next moment, warm and perhaps a bit startled,

"I was unaware there was a leve available," he quips back to her pillow comment, "but I am ever at your service."

[likeyouknow]

Satisfied, Pahja gives herself leave to curl up properly against his side, head on his shoulder once more. She woke up in such a state without any note of discomfort from Haurchefant -- if this is all she is going to have, well. She never does anything halfway now, does she? Her hand goes to find his once more; holding it over his chest as if she's afraid all of him will simply vanish into the sheets and leave her alone.

"Living like that--" With the threat of war and death always above one's heads, ever since birth. Pahja might have wanted adventure when she ventured out from the Black Shroud and the lands of her youth, but she doubts her parents were preparing themselves for the potential that she might die before them from her birth. She shakes her head, dismissing that thought and the idea of losing Haurchefant again. "It matters naught, for we will end this war. And then you and he will not have to worry."

She won't have to worry. Although it does escape her notice that she's admitted to the war not being won, at least not yet. There's the matter of Estinien, after all. Instead she yawns, tail stretching out as she does so.

"You best remain that way, Haurchefant." And not leave her alone again.

[suitsahero]

He slides the arm she's laying on more firmly around her, gives up his other hand without a hint of protest. He does notice that she speaks of the Dragonsong War as though it were in the present. He does not know what happened after the Vault, but it seemed to him peace was precarious then, so it does not wholly strike him as odd that it is precarious now. He does want to ask, but...

He lets out a soft, well-pleased noise as she settles against him and the thought of further quizzing her slides to be the last thing in his mind. He cannot help but chuckle, even so,

"Yes ma'am," it's like a soldier snapping to attention, but there's something lower in his voice with it as well, symptoms of the usual ways he teases, "I would not think to disobey." As charged as that is, he seems relaxed, almost as though he's going to curl up and slip back off to sleep. He tilts his head into hers, and perhaps it is striking how relaxed he seems all of a sudden, how still.

[likeyouknow]

Oh. Oh. If he's going to sound like that and talk like that whenever she takes him up on his wishes, Pahja thinks she's going to have to start doing it more.

Is this the first time she's seen him fully relaxed? The idea is so strange, so alien to her -- Haurchefant always seems to be in motion, full of bubbling energy. She'd liked that. It had made her feel welcome, that her own exuberance was a strength and not, as she had feared after fleeing the disastrous events in Ul'dah, a weakness. Perhaps what he needed, what she needed, was simply time to unwind.

For now, she'll take that as it comes. "Good. I have missed you, you know." That, at least, she should say now that he's awake.

[suitsahero]

It's clear that the admission throws him, just a bit, if only in how long it takes him to answer. He moves his thumb soothingly against the side of her hand where it has his clasped,

"I cannot say I am glad to hear it... and yet I cannot help but be pleased to find I am so high in your estimation." He seems to be starting to drift back off to sleep again, clearly still worn thin from the entire ordeal. Perhaps that is why he allows something else to slip out,

"Mm... pray, permit me just a few more minutes to be selfish, before I return you to the world," it's murmured against her hair, barely a smear of syllables.

[likeyouknow]

Something in the honesty that sleepiness brings has her wishing for more than minutes. A day, perhaps? Maybe a week. Pahja knows that it's unrealistic -- there are pressing matters to attend to, there's the threat of Nidhogg still. Yet her fondest recent memories are still those days spent with him before her journey to Ishgard, when she and Alphinaud were trying to get their feet under them once more. Forgetting his kindness, his warmth, was impossible.

The idea that she doesn't have to face a future without that enough to make her heart beat louder, faster in her chest.

"You can have as much as the Twelve allow," is her own muffled reply, spoken more into him than not. Perhaps that's too large of an opening for him to take when it comes to his outrageous flirting -- she fully expects him to either fall asleep or return with something far more outlandish than she could have expected.

Pahja draws their clasped hands closer to her, her lips ilms away from his skin in a gesture of comfort, of care. "And as long as you wish."

[suitsahero]

His words are disjointed, clear that he's half fallen asleep already, may not even be aware of what he's saying,

"Nay... give me no such promises, lest I... hmm... turn villain and keep you for myself..." Surely it is just that his voice is rough from the cold, that he is nearly asleep... there's not even really a tone to it, so much as the timbre makes it sound like a lover's tease, like he might also say it about to roll her down to the sheets and make sure she goes nowhere for a time.

But whether it's intentional, something that's been let slip, or something entirely from her imagination and his ordeal, there's nothing that follows it other than him dropping back off to sleep, body still exhausted and in need of rest.

[likeyouknow]

The instant his voice takes on that particular timber is the moment that Pahja completely gives up on the idea of easy sleep. Knowing that she was upping the anti, giving him an in to make some pass at her, she certainly wasn't expecting that.

Now what was she supposed to do, when nothing follows it but the rhythm of his heart and the soft sound of his breathing? Pahja swallows, dismissing it as nothing he meant, of course, because that's how he's always been.

Not that it makes it easy to ignore. It's a long time before Pahja can think of sleeping, her mind conjuring images of what-ifs involving Haurchefant and his flirting. Of what kissing him might be like, of what it might take for her to run her hands down his bare chest -- masked as an attempt at checking for herself that he is hale and breathing. Of his weight settled over her, hair falling into his eyes only for them both to vainly try and push it aside.

The sleep she falls into is restless, although she can't argue with the dreams that only continue her train of thought. If Haurchefant should wake before her and disturb her rest, he may find that rather than rousing her into consciousness, it elicits small sounds from her that might be more akin to those made from want rather than any protest of movement.

[suitsahero]

He wakes slowly and without stirring her from her spot. He's surprised to still find her here, surprised that she's been able to lay back down and sleep, but grateful for both. He just lays there for what feels like a long time, though he has nothing to mark the passage but their breaths, enjoying the weight of her next to him. He thinks to pray for more time right here, just like this, but then figures that perhaps that's selfish of him, to ask for more when he's already been given so much.

Still, this is the closest they've ever been and he doesn't know why she's chosen now to alight so close to him, to let him hold her, but he can't help but feel giddy and reckless about it all the same. He knows that they will need to get back to the serious business of informing everyone he is alive. He should wake her, they should go. But he truly does want to stretch this as long as fate will allow, doesn't know when she might decide to grace him with something like this again...

Pahja shifts a bit in her sleep and Haurchefant mistakes the sound, initially, for a nightmare. His fingers smooth soothingly through her hair to calm her and he draws her closer, shifting to bring his arms more fully around her, thinking a more protective embrace might help hold whatever it is at bay.

"Shh... wake up. You're dreaming..."

All of it is truly intended as something innocent, if not perhaps a bit presumptuous in the level of friendly intimacy. Whether her dream reads it that way or not, however, is another story.

[likeyouknow]

Watching someone die in front of you because they could not bear to exist in a world without you does funny things to a person. Mainly, in Pahja's case, regret everything she hadn't said, hadn't done -- words caught in her throat and feelings trapped in her chest. Haurchefant's return is a second chance.

It isn't a nightmare that plagues her, but dreams so close to reality that it is hard to separate the two. What he intends to be friendly, her mind and body decide otherwise: his fingers cord through her hair as they kiss (and Pahja can't remember a time recently when she'd been this happy, this at ease) and his arms pull her further into his thankfully bare chest.

What the new position does is trap her legs in an awkward position; her dream-self registering it as feeling wrong, though she can't name why. That's easily fixed, however, and in Haurchefant's arms she slides one of her legs between his.

Much better, all of her decides, as Haurchefant is solid and real and warm and surrounding her. He says something, she's not sure what, and her brain supplies a happy, pleased response. "Haurchefant," Pahja sighs, and it trails off into something that is far more pleasure than it is fear.

If that is not enough to give insight into her dreams, then perhaps the way she moves against his leg is -- pressing in with a soft exhale that gives way to a sleepy moan of approval.

[suitsahero]

He cannot help but make a noise, not quite a moan but something soft and hitched and pleased, when she shifts closer and slides one of her legs between his. He's fully awake, but everything here is dreamlike and quiet and he's shifting, hand sliding down her back to rest at her hip, before he really considers the consequences. He doesn't quite tug her in, has enough sanity left to not make that kind of presumption even now, but the touch can be nothing but encouraging, a wish for her to be closer still.

The way she says his name makes him dizzy; the noises she's making, breathless, and he's got his mouth pressed against her shoulder before he can stop himself,

"Pahja, please dear, wake up," his voice is low and a little breathy, "This is too much everything I desire for me to push you away."

[likeyouknow]

The drag of his hand pulls an encouraging noise from her, as surrounded by Haurchefant as she is -- would he give her more if she asked for it? Pahja hopes, aches, both in body and in heart, for him. He's here, alive, and what better way to celebrate than by finally giving into that shelved desire? She thought they had time -- that one day she'd find that there wasn't yet another thing to do, and maybe then she could pull him aside and, and--

Something within Pahja's head catches on his words, a slow-dawning recognition that it isn't Haurchefant encouraging her on, but a plea for her to cease. The cognitive dissonance is enough to make her pause -- "Mm?" She stills, fighting her way to some semblance of wakefulness as her mind catches up with reality.

Oh. Oh.

A flush rises on her cheeks, embarrassment crashing over her suddenly that startles her out of the hazy remnants of her dream. "I'm sorry, I--" Wait. His lips are hot against her shoulder, he hasn't pushed her away, and his words finally register with her in their totality. A hand reaches for him, to slide into the hair at the nape of his neck with only a sliver of hesitation.

She is the Warrior of Light. Pahja has faced harder challenges than this.

"Then don't."

[suitsahero]

He shudders at the feel of her fingers sliding into his hair, a soft gasp parting his lips against her skin. He surrenders to her touch immediately, only barely able to keep himself in check with her asleep, there's no hope with her awake, touching him, giving him permission...

He twines them closer and the sheets in the way tangle and frustrate the motion, but he hardly notices. She is already closer than she's ever been to him and he'll think to want more in a moment, but right now he gluts himself on what he has, every touch new and heated. He is not an inexperienced lover in the slightest, Halone knows he's got a reputation for it, even. But this is something wholly different and he finds himself more needy, clumsy, honest.

He draws back slightly but it's only so he can kiss her finally, finally, and it would be sweet, chaste, if it weren't also more than a little desperate.