for darlingdatura

[suitsahero]

There is only one thing Haurchefant hates more than being the bearer of bad news and that's being the bearer of news when he's not sure whether it's good or bad news. At least with bad news, one can prepare oneself appropriately, know what kind of reaction you're liable to get. But with something like this...

He's given orders to pile the intercessory's fireplace high with logs, to try to make sure that Mikka will not be overly cold, but it seems like the poor Miqote is cold practically everywhere in Ishgard. He comes bearing hot chocolate to go with his... news of an indeterminate sort, having had one of his men fetch Mikka to the intercessory several minutes prior. It's been a habit of his to do so every time he returns from Ishgard, to brief them on how their asylum status is going and catch them up on news of the wider world, when there is any to be had in the isolationist country.

That Haurchefant has asked Mikka to come alone, though, is unusual, potentially giving away that this is no ordinary debriefing. Still, Haurchefant manages a sunny smile for the Warrior of Light as he pushes his way into the room with the chocolate,

"Sorry I'm a bit late! I had to make sure the chocolate was just right," the smile hedges more entirely genuine, touches his eyes as he sets the mug down in front of Mikka, "It is good to see you again, friend, though I suppose it has been only days since last I did. I confess, I've grown too used to it."

Comments

[darlingdatura]

It's unusual really, to see Haurchefant being so delicate about his words. Not that he was brash, or rude, but usually he seemed to at least come across with a boyish sort of ease, a thing that was incredibly charming combined with the good cheer he always seemed to hold. Mikka was unsure if it made him feel better or worse in this case.

Predictably enough, the initial news had his ears dropping immediately, though the gesture forestalled any real commentary. It was a possibility they'd known, but that didn't mean it wasn't upsetting. Which meant as Haurchefant continued, Mikka's ears pricked again, but despite the idea that his door to Ishgard wasn't yet closed permanently, his brows furrowed.

If this was such a simple thing to do, they wouldn't have had to lobby for an exception, which had Mikka wondering just what the pre-existing way was.

"Well..." He began slowly, fingers fidgeting against his mug. "Why don't you tell me about this... pre-existing way. And then we can go from there?"

[suitsahero]

"There are a few of them, actually. You can owe an Ishgardian a life debt, which you would be unable to pay off without accompanying them into Ishgard. You can become a priest of Halone or renounce your other oaths of whatever country you hailed from and join the Knights Heavenly. But none of those things would leave you in any way free to pursue your goals," he takes a sip of the chocolate as though it's something stronger, to fortify himself.

"Or you can marry someone from one of the Ishgardian noble houses. You would be immediately considered a citizen the moment the ceremony was complete and you would, of course, be not only allowed but expected to be in Ishgard in preparation for the wedding."

It comes out a bit too casual. Haurchefant isn't good at hiding his opinions of things and it's clear he doesn't like this idea any more than Mikka is likely to.

[darlingdatura]

It was quite clear that the first options were less than ideal, given the very problem that Haurchefant himself had pointed out. And while the last was not ideal either... there was something of a grim humor in the idea, that had a thin smile remaining as the miqo'te huffed something close to a laugh.

"Effective, to say the least," He mused, staring down at his cup. "And like as not a better reason to wed than for increasing my parent's fortunes and standing."

He'd known, for all his idealistic romanticism, that his marriage would be arranged for something other than love. "I can't imagine, giving the... more insular culture, that all of the houses would be thrilled with this idea though."

[suitsahero]

Haurchefant can't help the way his eyebrows shoot towards his hairline in surprise. He'd expected Mikka to refuse on principle, he realizes, that there's no way he would ever even consider such a thing. But the comment about his parent's fortunes harkens back to some other small details they've shared with one another when they can find time to talk about more than killing dragons and rescuing friends, and he thinks, perhaps it shouldn't have. That Ishgard's insularity is part of the immediate problems thought of and not marrying to get into a country says a lot about Mikka, he thinks.

Well. Alright then. He's still not sold on the idea, himself, but if Mikka's not going to be sad about it, then he's not going to either,

"I think it would be a hard sell for anyone from Dzemael, certainly. The other High Houses, perhaps not as much as you'd think. Worrying about heirs is certainly a concern, which might rule out Durendaire as well," he muses, "Either one of my brothers are a possibility, I would hazard a guess and there's certainly no way Francel would refuse after you saved his life," he can't help a small smile, "We're not known for marrying for love all that often in Ishgard in general and certainly in the High Houses. Any one of them would likely be willing to assist you in a more... transactional sense, I would think." He muses further,

"I would think there'd be a fair number in the lesser nobility as well-- you're not unknown, even in Ishgard, and there's a fair few eligible young men and women who would not be opposed to being 'taken off the market', I'd wager, no matter who you were. I could certainly arrange a meeting."

[darlingdatura]

He wasn't thrilled with it. Likely would have more emotions bubble to the surface about it as time passed and that was assuming it happened at all. It hinged on finding a willing match after all. But he'd known since he was young that his choice wouldn't be his own so any upset was muted, a thing mourned and accepted long ago.

Mikka listened to what Haurchefant was saying. And while part of him still hoped for at the very least friendship in whatever marriage he ended in, he could also in a way accept the idea of something more transactional, as the elezen had put it. Not that he would be especially happy, but then...

This wasn't about being happy. This was about a goal, about the needs of so many stacking their hopes and dreams on his shoulders. So long as the person they found didn't hate him, he'd deal.

But that didn't stop a faint furrow of brows at the list, and one specific person not on it. Ears flicking faintly as he peered up at Haurchefant in askance. "You... didn't mention yourself. Are you married already then?"

Or maybe he didn't want to be. Or maybe he just didn't want to marry Mikka. And he knew the man was too kind to say as much if that was the case. Not in so many direct words that was.

[suitsahero]

Haurchefant wears his heart on his sleeve much more than other Ishgardians, but he's still Ishgardian. There's a certain amount of tactiturness and stoicism that just seems kind of baked into the people, here, likely from a millennia of war in the chill winds of Coerthas, cold even before the Calamity turned it constantly snowy. There are burdens he doesn't talk much about, and this touches one of them, enough so that he's immediately dismissive without really hearing what Mikka is saying,

"No, of course not. My men might respect me as a commander, but no Ishgardian is going to willingly take the name Greystone. Not even to have their children be a member of a High House," Much like Mikka has known his entire life that he wouldn't be allowed a choice in who to marry, Haurchefant has known that regardless of who he might find or what he might wish, that particular happiness was never going to be his. His stepmother had known quite well what she was doing there.

And, too, if Mikka thinks about it, though everyone seems to know that Haurchefant is a terrible flirt, open with his affections toward adventurers in a land where everything is inhospitable to them, Mikka's never once seen him display those same flirtations to any Ishgardians. Perhaps that's just because they're under his care-- but even his interactions with Lord Francel had seemed... muted, somehow.

And speaking of Lord Francel...

"Francel would be my choice, out of the most readily available options. He's already familiar with you and likes you a great deal and word of your bravery in regards to him is fairly well known. It would be a tale people would find charming enough, I think, to ease your way within Ishgard. And Francel is one of my dearest friends," his tone is softer, affection clear in it, "I have often been worried he would end up engaged to someone unpalatable just to increase his family's fortunes. It would be a considerable comfort to know he's instead found someone like you."

[darlingdatura]

But I'm not Ishgardian-

The protest died immediately on his tongue at how quickly and almost absently Haurchefant shut down that subject, ears flicking down as his gaze dropped to his cocoa. He hadn't expected the rush of disappointment there, a bitter thing that almost choked him as Haurchefant continued to speak, to extol the idea of Francel as a potential match. And Mikka knew he was right, that the idea would surely seem charming to the Ishgardians, that it would be certain that they could be friends...

But that didn't stop him from grappling with that rising upset, a thing that seemed so much more pointed now that they were talking about the specific options instead of the abstract of it, more painful now with the slow-growing revelation that Mikka might have more of an opinion of who he would want to wed than he'd thought. Not that this showed- for all the miqo'te was so very easy to read typically, he'd gotten very good at hiding disappointment, and what seriousness showed surely could be attributed to the seriousness of the situation.

[suitsahero]

Haurchefant isn't aware that he was ever an option, so he can only misinterpret the downturn of Mikka's ears as he keeps speaking,

"Perhaps Lady Laniaitte, then? You've not met her, but she's a warrior in her own right, Francel's sister, and she's spoken of you in glowing terms in the abstract, at least. I confess I wasn't thinking of... ah... a gender preference, considering the union is political in nature. There's also Heustienne, she's adopted nobility, but it should make little difference in this case. I imagine she'd protest the idea somewhat, but she's certainly someone who I think could be brought around to the thought that then she would not have to marry someone else."

None of this has, of course, helped the slightly downturned look Mikka is wearing but, again, there's no way to fully comprehend why, so Haurchefant reaches out a hand across the space between them and lays it warmly over Mikka's on his hot chocolate,

"Forgive me, my friend. You should have time to think on all of this. It may make searching for your companions more difficult, but you need not enter Ishgard at all if you do not wish to. You may stay here as my guest for as long as you wish and, indeed, I cannot help but admit I am happier here for your company. It is only with reluctance I would give it up at all."

[darlingdatura]

He tried to keep it under wraps. To bear it as he always bore those personal sorrows, but it was too much, with Haurchefant speaking of others as if he didn't even factor in. The soft touch to Mikka's hand was what seemed to crack the dam in this case, that soft sort of kind reassurance, the miqo'te shaking his head abruptly.

"I'm not Ishgardian," He spoke up suddenly, startling even himself it seemed. "I don't care about names-" He could feel the faint prick of tears at the corners of his eyes, cursed himself for being so unable to mask this as his gaze lifted to meet Haurchefant's.

"If you simply don't wish to wed me I can understand that," And he could- he was no ideal match, small and nervous, lesser than in some way that had dogged him his entire life. "But otherwise why couldn't it be you?"

[suitsahero]

Haurchefant's brows pull together first in confusion at the outburst-- it's not that he can't imagine there wouldn't be one, in fact he was expecting one from the moment he burst in the room. But he cannot fathom what the first words out of Mikka's mouth have to do with anything they're talking about in this fashion. Of course he's not Ishgardian, that's the entire reason this is--

It kicks him in the teeth a moment later like a wild chocobo and Haurchefant's eyes go abruptly wide, neither his thoughts nor his emotions able to keep pace with a conversation suddenly sliding right off the edge of Witchdrop, plummeting to somewhere below. He must look panicked to Mikka, and maybe he is, a little, some part of him suddenly seeing a wider, deeper shape to this, a wild hope that Mikka doesn't just want this for political reasons.

It twists his gut sideways, an unease with the thought slamming to the forefront even as everything in him wants to say "yes" until the word has been so overused as to lose meaning in his mouth. If Mikka were more in control of his emotions, it's possible that that would be the end of this. Haurchefant feels like he's a moment from fleeing for a number of reasons that jockey for position in his mind and heart to be put into words. But seeing those brimming tears, coupled with that question...

"No!" he says, startled, "Mikka..." He's aggressively forward most of the time, but it's always coming from a place of wanting to make absolutely sure his presence, his advances, his anything, is something wanted by the other party. He's actually usually so careful about touch, about not saying anything that would put any kind of pressure on anyone... But he finds his hand cradling Mikka's cheek like it's been magnetized there, thumb running under his eye to wipe up the tear before it can even fall,

"For you, I would do anything," he says, softly, but with a steel behind the tone that says he means that. Even so, he has his own demons, here, "But... Fury, I know not if I am a strong enough man to be your husband in name only. Not when I--"

Apparently, there are things that make even Haurchefant blush and his words dry on his tongue.

[darlingdatura]

It's almost too much at first, the silence that yawns with only that panicked look to the elezen to spark Mikka's worries anew, and he can't help the drip of tears as he struggles with the way the air suddenly seems too thick, too stifling to force words out.

He's not interested of course he's not, just trying to find a kind way to break the news-

But thankfully Haurchefant seems to find his voice before Mikka can say or do anything foolish, like bolt. The hand is laid against his cheek, and the miqo'te sways into the gentle touch with a soft hiccup barely this side of being a sob, before his gaze dropped again.

"I... I always knew that my match would be... for a cause, rather than myself. Mother would likely think me stupid but..." He hesitated as he explained, fingers fidgeting against the mug in his grasp. "I... still find I want it regardless. To wed someone who might find they love me, rather than for whatever other advantage they might find in marrying me."

[suitsahero]

He really doesn't intend to do any of this, is so very conscious of how he's usually too much for people, that he needs to hold himself back at least somewhat. But those tears start falling and he's out of his chair in an instant, on the floor next to Mikka's chair but raised up on his knees. He's not sure if he's wiping the tears away or hugging Mikka or kissing them out of the corner of his eyes, because it's all of that at once.

"You need do nothing you do not wish to. We will find another way to find your friends and to do what needs to be done, I swear to you. You need not shoulder a single new burden that I can also bear," he sits back just slightly, just enough to wipe some more tears, to look in Mikka's eyes when he says, "But if that is what you want, I do not think I would need look very far or very hard to 'find' that."

He feels a little like this is cheating, unfair. Mikka doesn't understand Ishgardian culture, doesn't know how much he would be marrying down, wedding his fate to the fate of a star that cannot rise, not any higher than he has already. He's taking advantage of him, isn't he? But he means it, all the same. He might council him against it, might give Mikka all the reasons this is a terrible idea, but he would never say no.

[darlingdatura]

While Mikka might not be familiar with Ishgardian culture, he was however familiar with Ul'dah. And the culture there, a family with trueborn heirs and one half...

He was not as ignorant of the position Haurchefant found himself in as the elezen might think. He simply didn't see that as important in his own opinion of the man, of his own selfish, selfish want to link himself to this warm, utterly kind man who was trying to brush and kiss away those tears.

"It is," He whispers, feeling elated and monstrous in the same turn, for all he knew logically that feeling guilt over voicing a want of his own was foolish. He was allowed to want things for himself, to want to be happy... right? "I... if I could have but one, single thing for myself, it would be that."

[suitsahero]

"I feel as though I am taking terrible advantage of the situation," he admits, softly, "but if you swear it is what you want, I will not refuse you." No, that is not quite what he means, and he wipes away another tear to add, "I do not want to refuse you. I only wish that perhaps such a decision could have been made more special, less necessary. But perhaps that is overly selfish-- to already have the moon and wish the stars as well."

Truthfully, he's not sure if he would have agreed so quickly were it not necessary. It is not something he'd ever thought to have, but when he allowed himself to think on an impossibility, he had imagined something romantic, something born of desire and not dire circumstance. He knows how deeply he cares for Mikka, but he has not had a chance to be allowed to consider loving him and so he isn't wholly sure.

But the necessity absolves him of the decision entirely and he does, truly, find that he considers himself blessed for the opportunity to love, if nothing further.

"There will be additional considerations," he can't help but add, "The transition to Ishgard society itself will not be easy. I carry a stigma, whether you see it that way or not, and you will bear it as well," he has to warn him, still feels like he somehow needs to make Mikka see reason on this, even as he hopes that he will not.

One of his hands curls in one of Mikka's, the other still on his face, and he brings Mikka's knuckles up to his mouth, brushing his lips over them gently but fervently.

[darlingdatura]

"I find I can swear this easily." Mikka replies with a soft, watery laugh. Still teary, but Haurchefant is being so sweet and attentive that it wouldn't take too long for the tears to slow, then stop. Though that didn't mean the miqo'te would be pulling away from the gentle touch of the hand against his cheek. No, not when the affection was a thing he craved.

Would this have come up if not for the sudden necessity? Would Mikka have ever found the courage to chase Haurchefant? He wasn't sure, hoped he would have, but also knew how easily he dismissed any attention or attraction towards himself as simple politeness. Needed or no, this did offer a chance, a thing that he was hopeful for the opportunity it offered, especially with the elezen's sweet comment on being given the moon in this.

"I care not," He decides as he says it in response to that warning, fingers curling against Haurchefant's at that gentle brush of lips, cheeks flushing pink. "I... have lived my life in the shadow of another, who I could never hope to be the equal of, who I never met. Only known through the stories told of him, the painting over the mantle. Known since I was small that my place in the world was lesser with how I was found wanting in comparison to him. That I had no way to... earn the love of those who I so dearly wanted it from."

It wasn't a thing he spoke of. Never in such terms anyways, it was known he was adopted, that his parents had a son who'd perished before he was brought into their lives. Beyond that... he didn't share. Who would it help to hear such a thing from the Warrior of Light? It could only hurt morale. "You see none of that... simply being around you makes me feel as if the sun might just shine on me, that I might be worth love without having to earn it. In the face of that... I can bear stigma."

[suitsahero]

Haurchefant hums softly in acknowledgement of what he's been told, shifts to rub his cheek comfortingly against Mikka's fingers in sympathy, rather than pity,

"My father is a good man and he's always treated me with dignity and respect. The rest of the world... has mostly not been so kind," and yet, Haurchefant has turned into one of the kindest people Mikka knows, has always refused to return that. Perhaps they are well suited on that alone. "Perhaps I am a fool to only warn you, but I find I am not strong enough to push you away for the sake of it. Whether the sun shines on you or not, I will. I can do nothing less."

There's a beat there, and then, as though he's just realized it himself (which, in a way, he has-- it is always in his mind, but pushes desperate to the forefront just now...) he adds,

"I find I should very much like to kiss you right now, if you'd allow."

[darlingdatura]

Mikka looks positively entranced at the warmth of skin against his fingers, ears perking as he listened to what was said. Clearly well suited in this matter, a soft smile quirking his lips.

"The world might not be kind... but you are, and I am so very glad for it, and can only imagine that I'm not the only one." The miqo'te hummed, studying the elezen as if seeing him for the first time. "The idea of wedding you is... a comfort in a way. Already you are a dear friend, and I find myself hopeful at the idea of us being more than."

True enough- while he'd never assumed he'd get a happy ending of that sort, that romantic, idealistic side of him still clearly had clung to the idea logic or no, a flush crossing his cheeks at the soft question asked, an almost shy cast to the smile as he nodded in answer.

"I... find I should very much like to be kissed."

[suitsahero]

This hasn't been only a physical attraction in a long time. Certainly, Haurchefant has a... well, a habit, really, of sleeping with whatever beautiful adventurer has crossed his path. He'd be lying if he said Mikka had started any different. A bit of flirting, a few offers made with some amount of plausible deniability, and a fair number of just-passing-throughs were convinced to have some assistance warming up in the cold, Coerthan climates. Mikka hadn't fallen into his bed then and that was fine, but it didn't make him any less lovely.

And then he'd actually gotten to know him, first with Francel and then again with the heretics and now... now... Well, he would have said love might be a bit strong, but he's found the regard and care he holds for Mikka runs deep. He's certainly not lying when he says that love isn't something he thinks he will have to look long or far for. It seems almost inevitable.

Still, that admiration started as a physical attraction. It's no struggle to keep things simple. The moment itself is still a somewhat perilous one, things hanging in the balance. It's easy to lean up just a bit more, in, and gently use the hand already on Mikka's face to tip him into his, the kiss gentle and sweet, with a banked-but-obvious bit of heat behind it. Haurchefant knows precisely how to kiss so it's obvious he's holding back the desire to kiss deeper, more, without it seeming dangerous. He's good at first kisses.

What he can't hide is the shiver that runs down his spine at the return sensation, Mikka's lips warm on his, or how much more than a second or two in the kiss will beget more of them, a very slight tremor to his hands.

[darlingdatura]

If Mikka had noticed the flirting, he'd simply figured it was just Haurchefant's way of being playful at first. It was so difficult at times for him to realize that someone was flirting that it often went right over his head and he missed it entirely. But thankfully enough the elezen never seemed to take offense, allowing their friendship to blossom regardless. And Mikka would be lying if he said he wasn't absolutely smitten with him.

No, he thought love in this case... would not be a thing hard-found between them.

Inexperienced as he was, he followed the gentle nudge of Haurchefant's hand, a soft almost surprised little noise let out into the kiss, though clearly nothing bad as he didn't try to stop, or draw away. Woefully out of his element here, but thankfully it seemed the elezen had a better idea of what to do, saving them from awkward fumblings, and allowing the miqo'te to follow his lead. It was... everything he hoped his first kiss would be, sweet and gentle, but with that hint of something more just tickling around the edges.

[suitsahero]

There's not much he would have done differently if he had known it was the first, not with how warm and sweet the kiss already was. He does, perhaps, take the second a little faster than he might have, might have given Mikka more time to revel in the first one. But he finds as soon as his lips aren't on his anymore, he wants them back again, his other hand coming up to more fully cradle Mikka's face.

There are things to set into motion to get all of this official. He wants to do them immediately, far sooner than he would if Mikka were marrying someone else. He recognizes it's silly, reckless even, but there's some small part of him that believes Mikka will come to his senses, somehow, change his mind. He both desperately wants to give him the opportunity to do that and doesn't, wants to hold all of this close for as long as possible. Either way, he knows there are things he should be doing to get Mikka in the walls of Ishgard as soon as possible.

But all he really wants to do right now is keep kissing him.

[darlingdatura]

If it were any other situation, Mikka might be absolutely embarrassed to realize that he'd at some point between one kiss and the next started purring. But as it was, he didn't even really notice it, swaying into Haurchefant more than willingly as he took the second kiss, his own hands slipping up to let fingers card through silver hair.

He knows just as much as Haurchefant that there are things to do now that a choice had been made. Things that needed to be done quickly, the sooner everything was settled the sooner they could focus on finding the other Scions. But like the elezen, Mikka was just a little worried that Haurchefant would think better of this. Realize he could do better. But at the same time, he couldn't stop himself from lingering as if he wanted to memorize the taste of the man's lips against his.

[suitsahero]

Fury... is he... purring?

Something about it makes Haurchefant very suddenly want to make sure nothing ever hurts Mikka ever, to kill or die for it if necessary, and also to tear every last stitch of clothes off the both of them and find every single other way he could get that purr. The desire for both comes and goes like lightning, just a flash and then entirely more normal delight fills in behind it, but it's just one of those moments where you're struck by another person, by the deep feelings for them.

It turns the kiss both more tender and heated at once and the feel of those fingers through his hair has him all but melting against the smaller man, deepening the kiss without fully meaning to, caught in the moment.

[darlingdatura]

He absolutely is purring. Quiet, and not too terribly focused but the soft sound is there underlaying the softness of lips coming together, of fingertips almost shyly curious in their trail along the outer edges of Haurchefant's ears as silky silver hair slipped between fingers. Glad that the elezen wasn't annoyed or put off by his inexperience, giving Mikka a bit of the confidence to not flounder as the kiss lingered and shifted into something more.

And maybe even brave enough for a playful light tug of the taller man's bottom lip with teeth.

[suitsahero]

Truly, truly, he is trying to behave himself. He isn't aware of the extent of Mikka's inexperience, but he's aware most people aren't quite so casual about sexual matters as he is. He knows he can be intense, knows that most people aren't ready for it or accepting of it (he does wonder, deep underneath all of this, if this is signaling the death of him being able to fully be himself, sexually, if he's going to have to blunt his own desires for the rest of his life. If so, it wouldn't be ideal, but even as a barely formed thought, he feels it's worth it for what he would gain) and so he's trying to keep things light, focused into the kiss, his own hands not straying from gently cradling Mikka's face.

But those fingers trail light against his ears, which are sensitive and teeth find his lip and he is lost. The sensations set him trembling, more noticeable now, and he voices a soft, rich moan against Mikka's lips.

[darlingdatura]

If he had any more experience he might not be so worried. Might recognize those responses as good that shiver under his hands, the soft moan against his mouth. But as cued in as he is for any protest, he startles back at the sound with a raspy little gasp of breath, brows furrowing immediately as he was searching Haurchefant's face, something apologetic in his gaze.

"I- sorry..." He breathed out, feeling a thread of concern. "I didn't hurt you did I? I just... I-I heard that was supposed to feel nice and I just-"